I Once Competed Against a Dyke Named Utah at the Carnival Strongman Game. I Won.

When I look at people in Utah, and imagine them in their underwear, they’re still dressed.

The one on the left is showing you what happens when you try to break away from the cult.

Mitt Romney must wear these under all his L.L. Bean. That seems like such a warm life.

Bitch, please. You Messican.

And to think, if Mitt Romney is elected president, he will be our first Latino president. Yes, Mitt Romney is a Latino. His father, Jorge, was born in Chihuahua, Mexico, during the Mexican Revolution, the world’s first communist revolution. Jorge’s parents chickened out and fled north, smuggling little Jorgito into the U.S. inside an empanada. Mitt Romney’s papi is a bonafide mojado. He took our jobs. No wonder Mitt’s considering Marco Rubio as a running mate.

Isn’t there somethin’ a little funny about him? I don’t mean funny as in ha ha. I mean funny as in queer.

I wonder, if Romney’s elected, will Mexicans be able to stop the narco wars long enough to celebrate their reconquista of the US? Will they rechristen landmarks to honor El Presidente Romney? Will Michoacán become Mittoacán? Instead of Mixtecan peoples, will the natives of southern Mexico become the Mittstecans?

Not for long.

Ay, Chihuahua. Que Mittstake.

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