Indecent Exposure Therapy

Today, TJ and I travel to my hometown, Santa Maria, a strawberry-scented village that was shoehorned into the history books after a young man accused Michael Jackson of inviting him to make his first communion in bed.

Santa Maria will probably never host the Olympics, but in 2005, at its flea of a courthouse, which operates a thriving drug court, Santa Maria did host the People of the State of California v. Michael Joseph Jackson! (Exclamation point excluded from official record.)

White, the color of innocence and mental stability.

Unlike MJ, TJ and I spread neither fame, paparazzi, increased traffic, or skin disorders.

We bring


Since TJ fears snakes more than Michael Jackson feared Child Protective Services, this three-hour car ride might be her last. In preparation, feel free to post your obituaries, preferably those that rhyme, in the comments section. Thank you.



  1. TJ, Teej, Teejie Lou
    She was better than Santa Maria style BarBQ

    SM discovered pinquito beans
    And Our broccoli makes the town smell of latrines.
    The beauty of Teej is now laid here to rest 
    So the city shall smell of a town that is blessed
    Her humor, her style, her beauty divine
    And tastier than tri-tip, salsa and any SB wine

    TJ was beyond lovable and a person so awesome
    Her wife looked a whole lot like one Wendy balsam

    TJ was musical, magical, and unique
    Without her life will suck like every workweek

    Writing this obit was so tough to do
    But I know Teej will live longer than super aged bleu

    I love you Teej more than sleep, candy, and rump roast
    More than ice cream, cookies, money, and the hitching post!

  2. T.J. rode to Santa Maria,
    With a snake in the back seat who wanted to greet her.
    When he popped out his head,
    She nearly dropped dead.
    But a her Jolie m8
    Was there to set her s8.

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