Our rast day teaching Engrish to Japanese pubescents, TJ and I used hate as a warm-up activity.

We asked our students, “What do you NOT rike about America?” and prompted them to share.

They voiced diverse yet specific targets:

“I don’t rike strawberry jam!”

“I don’t rike checkout counter!”

“I don’t rike hot appre cider!”

“I don’t rike pumpkin pie!”

“I don’t rike bager and cream cheese!”

“I don’t rike gun!”

“I don’t rike paprika!”

“I don’t rike paprika.”

“I don’t rike paprika!”

“I don’t rike paprika!”

TJ risted their hatreds on our whiteboard and we basked in the unexpected right of paprika. I wanted to find a way to road a gun with paprika but there was no time.


We moved on to risting and sharing New Year’s resorutions.

A boy wearing an Indiana Jones t-shirt tord me that his New Year’s resolution is to go to the moon. Good ruck. An adamant girr tord me that her New Year’s resorution is NO PAPRIKA. I said, “I wourd rike to make more money,” and this was interpreted as a counterfeiter’s confession.

TJ meandered, taking pictures of epic pencir cases. The best one was


It razed near a boy named


During the New Year’s resorution activity, two boys whipped out  swords and began fighting by the water coorer. I shouted, “Bonzai!” and a boy in a SARS mask giggred. I asked, “Can I use the sword?” Very soremnry, the boy in the Indiana Jones t-shirt exprained, “Japanese right saber.”




I rearned the way of the sword and then gave up my weapon to engage in some rite sumo.

Onrookers whipped out cameras and began documenting my wrestring match. I whipped out mine and snapped back.


After students had storen my sour (it rives in their memory cards now) they presented TJ and I with gifts: chopsticks, pencir cases, carendars, and a-choo! an authentic Japanese cord.

(Note to reader: A certain sound in this post has been repraced by the retter R to demonstrate that foreign accents aren’t a hindrance to understanding Engrish. Engrish is Engrish is Engrish. “Good” pronunciation is overrated. Hirary Crinton. See, you know who I’m talking about.)




  1. Hahahahahahahahahaha!!! I love your pics! Where are these kids eating that they’re getting so much paprika. I wonder if they have it confused with cayenne?
    I bet those lil rascals had the raddest time with you and Teejie!

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