The Secret Lives of Paragraphs

PARAGRAPHINGERING

     This paragraph has high self-esteem. It has four sentences. It has supporting details. It has a tight conclusion.

     The above paragraph thinks it’s all that, but it’s not. This paragraph knows that while the paragraph above might have ideal proportions, it achieved them through literary plastic surgery: caffeinated editing. Don’t be seduced by the nip-tuck above.

     I’m an all-natural paragraph. I’m an organic paragraph. I have imperfections. Like. Many. But I’m the real thing.

     Paragraphs are stupid.
     Lists are better.
     Lists are what children write to Santa.
     Lists are what people with OCD keep.
     Lists are associated with classical music, Franz.

     Minimalist paragraph. Second sentence. Third sentence. Conclusion.

punk paragraph god save the queen but not the duchess of cambridge blah blah blah blah ble

     Th-
     is
     is
     an
     an-
     ore-
     xic
     par-
     ag-
     ra-
     ph.

     This is a commanding yet mathematical paragraph. It urges you to add your own paragraph in the comments section. Give this paragraph a rich psychology. Give this paragraph a soul and a flavor.

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8 comments

  1. This paragraph…I mean, is it even a paragraph, really? What is a paragraph? Who does this paragraph think it is? This paragraph is not sure it has the audacity to affirmatively call itself a ‘paragraph,’ because this paragraph is just too unsure about the nature of being to ever definitively claim an ‘identity’ as ‘paragraph.’ This paragraph is mixed up and having an identity crisis, so it will probably have it’s introduction at the end.

  2. Girl, this paragraph thinks you are sexy. This paragraph is not even going to hide how attracted it is to you. This paragraph wants to seduce you with its smooth words and silky sheets. This paragraph can’t play it cool it — it wants to get in your pants so bad. Is there room in your pants for this paragraph?

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