(To the tune of Let Me Entertain You) Let Me Alienate You

So, I have not updated this blog in 10,000 years because I’ve done about 10,000 years worth of living over the last year. Ruffly. (potato chip)

But, hmmm, I may start blahging semi-semi-regulerly.


And so today, I hung out with the fantastic and racially mixed MariNaomi. We went to The Tate. JK. We went to The Broad.

Mari was wearing the best outfit for admiring art. Black blazer, black slacks, black shoes, and a members only shirt.



Throughout The Broad, Mari and I both wrestled with the impulse to rub, fondle, grab, and perform other tactile verbs upon the art. I only actually touched something when Mari cracked me up so hard that I had to grab it. It was the box holding up the glass container containing Kara Walker’s grotesque antebellum (an oxymoron) silhouettes in diorama. Mari made not a racist joke but A JOKE ABOUT RACISM, THE TWO ARE VERY DIFFERENT, and luckily, there was a something for me to grab before I hit my head on the ground and died cuz I went down. What Mari said killed me. It was so good I can’t remember what it was.

Also, there was a section, far from Walker’s, with art by some dude with a white name, a very Germanic sounding name, and in the corner of his gallery, two brooms waited. They were objets d’art and were propped against the white wall and my body itched to grab one of the brooms and sweep. I told Mari, “Its very difficult for me not grab one of these brooms and start sweeping.” I turned to a couple that was wandering through the exhibit and blurted, “I feel like I have to touch these brooms. Its because I’m Mexican. I need to clean.”

The dude half of the couple confessed, “I know. We really wanted to touched the Koons balloon animal in that other gallery.”

“Me, too!” concurred Mari.

Mari and I travelled back to the Koons balloon animal and discussed the possibility of touching it.

“Do you think its as a fragile as a Christmas ornament?” I asked Mari. “Should we destroy it? It might help our careers.”

We discussed how destroying a Koons could help boost our book sales. I asked Mari, “Do you think if I grabbed one of those brooms back there and did a little sweeping it would merit some press? Do you think somebody might at least blog about it?”

“No,” she answered. This made me sad.

Reader, if i was going to commit an act of art vandalism/terrorism for the sake of careerism, what would you recommend I do? Please try to keep the suggestion local as I live in the southern California area and don’t get to Europe much. (ever)

All my love,




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